If Artiste Returns were Football Transfers


The other day, I was watching a repeat broadcast of Tuface Idibia’s Fortified on TV. Then I got to that part when D’Banj just finished performing and then the celebrant himself, in a fit of nostalgia got upon the stage to tell, Don Jazzy, and D’Banj to find time to get together again, even if it was just for one final it. What Tuface did struck a chord of nostalgia in my mind, not just for Don jazzy and the Mo’hits crew but for some other fantastic teams like that who also had to break up at some point. It was yesterday when I was reading a football website about what went wrong with Argentine footballer Angel di Maria’s transfer to Manchester United from Real Madrid, that I finally realized how similar record label breakups and football transfers were. That gave me the idea for this piece, to imagine what would happen if nine of the highest profile artists to leave record labels went back to said record labels and what the football transfers would look like. As a result all of the football transfers are hypothetical except two, number 8, and the very one that inspired this piece, number 1

9. Artiste Return: May D to Square Records
Football Transfer Equivalent: Nicklas Bendtner resold to Arsenal by Wolfsburg
Before the song that made Mr MayD a known face in the Nigerian music industry “Ile Ijo”, MayD was on the Square records label alongside, P Square, even featuring in their remix of “Chop My Money” with Akon. However since leaving the label, other than a few hits from time to time, his success has been modest at best. Nicklas Bendtner also had a meteoric rise to fame from the Arsenal Football club academy, but his game dropped, and he was sold to VFL Wolfsburg in Germany.
Why this kind of return will not happen: even though the player is an okay player, the club will feel he not just at the level of a club challenging for honours.

may d

bendtner

. AR: Skales to EME
FTE: James Milner to Liverpool
This is one of the transfers that happened in real life, the club had been struggling and needed a solid player, who could do a job, yet was not a superstar. The player needed a place where his hard work will be appreciated and he won’t get constantly compared with other superstars
Why the Music Equivalent will not happen
Even though the club and the player clearly still need each other, there is too much bad blood to allow them to work together.

skales

milner
7. AR: Brymo to Chocolate City
FTE: Cesc Fabregas resold to Arsenal from Chelsea
Brymo Olawale was once one of the top acts of Chocolate City. Actually, Chocolate City’s history will not be complete without mentioning him. His single “Ara” is still a party hit till date, in fact some music fans will argue the iconic “O le Ku” that turned Ice Prince from an upcoming artiste to a superstar, should have been Brymo’s hit, same for M.I’s action film, but somewhere along the line, the love between artiste and label went sour. Cesc Fabregas still has the record at Arsenal FC for the youngest scorer in the champions league and youngest ever player to captain the club. Even though he left before he hit his peak, his contribution to Arsenal’s history particularly in the lean years cannot be overlooked. What makes both exits similar, was that both club and label clearly did want to let the player and the artiste go, and their exits created plenty or wrangling and bad blood between both parties.

Brymo Olawale

Cesc Fabregas
Why this of return will not happen: even though the player is no doubt good enough to improve the squad if not the first team, however the club is still angry that he left and will feel they don’t want him anymore, because they have adequately replaced him.
6. AR: Jaywon to Kennis Music
FTE: Raheem Sterling returns to Liverpool from Manchester City
Granted that the musician’s exit did not raise much furore as its football equivalent, but fans already knew that both exits were inevitable when they happened. The thing is even though the jury, is still out as to how good the player himself really is, everybody agrees that the player is too good for the club
Why this return won’t happen: The player now feels he is at the level suited to his talents, he is enjoying his game and the financial reward and exposure he wants, going back for the player would be like going back into “slavery.”

jaywon

raheem

 

5. AR: Wande Coal to Mo’hits/Mavin
FTE: Paul Pogba from Juventus to Manchester United
Paul Pogba was once one of the young shining talents in the Manchester United academy, ditto for Wande Coal who became a shining light in post D’Banj MAVINS (same for Pogba in post Ronaldo Man Utd). For whatever reason, he felt the club was not helping him to further his career and he left for a club in another League. Even though fans will argue that his new club is not a prestigious as his old one, but no one can argue that if he continues to perform at the level he is currently at he is clearly destined for greater things
Why this return will never happen: Even though, the player would be good for the club, a coup even, the mistrust that the first exit created will never allow the two parties to work well together. The player will probably become unhappy again after a short while and would soon be looking for another move out.

wc

 Paul Pogba
4. AR: Olamide to Coded Tunes
FTE: Gareth Bale returns to Southampton from Real Madrid
It is highly unlikely that anybody can count five musical superstars in Nigeria without mentioning Badoo’s name. In fact Olamide has reached the stage where he would likely not be able to remember how many hit tracks he has sang. It is doubtful if any other Nigerian artiste has ever kept a particular demographic hooked as Olamide has. But the song that started it all was “Eni Duro” which was produced by I.D Cabasa of Coded tunes. While Gareth Bale (Olamide) has gone on to become the most expensive footballer on the planet, Southampton is currently a middling club in the English premier league.
Why this return will never happen: comparing Coded Tunes to Southampton is denigrating the football club; does Coded Tunes even exist anymore? But the essence is that the club has absolutely nothing to offer the player, and it would take a special wave of madness, or love for such a return to happen.

ola

bale
3. AR: Whizkid to EME
FTE: Luis Suarez returns to Liverpool from FC Barcelona
In 2013, Liverpool FC suddenly went on an unexpected winning streak that saw them nearly win the league, but for an unlucky Steven Gerard slip against Chelsea. The man unarguably at the heart of that red hot run was Uruguayan striker Luis Suarez. He left the club for Barcelona the next season and Liverpool collapsed into rut, they are still struggling to get out of till date. Like Liverpool FC Empire Mates Entertainment’s fall from grace started when Whizkid left. Today EME has stalled, while Wizzy is still tearing up the Nigerian music scene, he like the toothy Uruguayan is clearly a prime example of someone that has clearly moved on to better things.
Why this return will never happen: the player is having fun, he is playing with superstars (Drake, Skepta something with Chris brown is in the works) and the club he left behind if you want to be cynical are clearly a midtable club without him, the player will be really mad to want to come back.

whiz

suarez
2. AR: TuFace to Kennis Music
FTE: Cristiano Ronaldo to Sporting Lisbon
It was the club where the player started his career and the club that gave him the platform to make the moves that made him the icon that he has become. He might just do it to thank the club for what they did for him when he was still up and coming.
Why this return will never happen
Other than the above, there is nothing that the club can offer to the player in terms of real benefits, they are not rich enough to pay him what he wants or popular enough to give him the exposure he is accustomed to

2face

cr7

 

1. AR: D’ Banj to Mohits/Mavins
FTE: Angel di Maria to Manchester United (from Real Madrid)
Why this transfer should not have happened and the musical equivalent should not be allowed to happen.
At first glance, this looks like a match made in heaven. Tuface’s nostalgia is hardly unique to him; the average Nigerian music fan has a wish to see a sort of reunion between D’banj and Don Jazzy at some point. To be fair, who wouldn’t want to see a partnership that changed the face of the music industry in Nigeria, and created two of the most popular entertainers on the continent? So music fans will probably jubilate if this reunion happens just like Manchester United fans jubilated wildly when it was made official that the club had broken the British record for the Argentine superstar. This transfer will be very expensive especially for the club, but no one will care, until it becomes a nightmare for both parties. The real trouble will start when the player arrives at the club and realizes that his new up and coming teammates are not just on the level of superstars He had been playing with (no offence intended, but Korede Bello and Reekado banks and Di’ja aren’t exactly on the level of Akon, Kanye West and Idris Elba). To compound his misery, he would find himself under a boss who has spent a long time in the game and has a strict philosophy about how the game is to be played. A boss so highly respected he is called a don. The player does find that he is unable to express himself under the boss strict regime and will resent the boss. Add that to the baggage of mistrust that came from the first breakup and what you get is an unhappy superstar who instead of improving the team will become a burden for the team. The same set of fans who were clamouring for him would be the ones to wonder what the hype was about in the first place. The player ends up jumping ship the first opportunity he gets, and the romance ends a second time. In the interest of whatever music career D’Banj has left, he should not even think about such a reunion, because he is the one who will get vilified if the union fails again given that Don Jazzy has a better public image than he does. Manchester United preferred to cut their losses on Angel Di Maria rather than dismiss Louis van Gaal for failing to get the best out of him after all. So to all who wants a Mo’ hits reunion here is a bit of advice “be careful what you wish for, because you might get it and you might not like it very much.

d banj

di maria

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