On Hoes, Role Models and Crusaders


 At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

“No one, sir,” she said.

“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

The Gospel of St John 8:1-10 (the NIV Bible)


This post should have come way earlier, precisely as an instant reply to Nigerian former  popular music act and now techpreneur Lanre “ELDee the Don” Dabiri’s rant about popular American entertainer Amber Rose’s Slutwalk, a show which she claims to be using to raise awareness about body shaming, rape and other issues about women and gender relations. However, I decided to calm down a bit so that I could get some perspective on the whole story. Thus the furious rant I intended to unleash against El Dee myself has ebbed away a bit, so I have decided to make the post a little bit more general. I will still throw some fire the Don’s way though, because he was the one who made me write it the first place.

 My problem with Eldee is not exactly the fact that he is angry with Amber Rose or Slutwalk, to be fair I understand his need to rant as a man brought up in the strict, narrow, way of the lord and “father to two daughters.” To be honest myself, I know who Amber Rose is, but I didn’t even know she had something going called Slutwalk. Even if I had come across it before, I didn’t find it worth following until Eldee brought it up. This is where my problem with Eldee starts. The kind of tweets coming from him about the show, betrays the fact that he was either watching it live or following it live in some other manner, which begs the question of why for all his sanctimoniousness and his concern for his daughters, he should be watching that kind of  TV show in the first place. What Eldee did reminds me of the story of Brother John who went to the pastor of his church and said “Sir, I saw your daughter in the club last night.” whereupon the pastor asked him “Brother John what were you doing in the club yourself if you saw my daughter there?”

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the problem I have with former entertainers who claim to have left their past in the limelight of the entertainment industry behind and now live a reformed life. They all think because they have seen both worlds, they can come and spout opinions about how everything is black and white, in an area which is a grey area at best, to the rest of us, and they think we will not challenge them. Stay with me and I will explain what I mean

 If I ever met the Don, I would like to ask him one question and the question goes thus: Is the late Afrobeat Legend Fela Anikulapo Kuti fit to be a role model? You might wish to think very well before you answer this, because Fela was a man who took non-conformity and made it an art form, He was a man who once reportedly married eight women in a single ceremony, who reportedly could not any decent amount of time without being high on some drug and who died of AIDS. I could go on but I think you get what I mean. Yet he was also a man who put Nigerian music on the world map and was a thorn in the flesh of Nigeria’s military leaders. Fela fought tyranny with his music, making him one of Nigeria’s greatest human rights activists. I mentioned Fela because every mainstream Nigerian music act including Eldee himself idolizes Fela. My own answer is this, I don’t like Fela’s personal life but I think he is a hero/ role model because of his good music and the non-conformity which formed the basis of his human rights activism.

That is why I am really angry about Mr. Dabiri’s mealy-mouthed condemnation of Amber Rose as a role model. Amber Rose might not have achieved fame in the way the rest of us would approve, but she is using that fame to raise some awareness about a critical issue in her own way. So again what makes Fela whom you approve, different from Amber Rose whom you don’t? So does good music excuse a “morally decadent” lifestyle or are you just sexist?


I was really happy when people called him out for his hypocrisy by recalling some of the things he also when he was “in the Nigerian music industry.” However what made me really enjoy the whole exchange was the fact that his supporters kept saying people should talk about the message and not the messenger. The question is: wasn’t he doing the same shooting the messenger and not the message thing about Amber Rose and Slutwalk without understanding what the thing is about? I took the time to look up the Slutwalk that was getting Mr. Dabiri’s knickers in a twist so much  and I found this:

The Amber Rose SlutWalk Festival is a completely inclusive space. This event will have a zero tolerance policy on all hateful language, racism, sexism, ableism, fat-shaming, transphobia or any other kind of bigotry. Further, we recognize that shaming, oppression, assault and violence have disproportionately impacted marginalized groups, including women of color, transgender people and sex workers, and thus we are actively working to center these groups in this event.”

Frankly speaking, I can’t see anything wrong with this kind of initiative. Couldn’t Eldee simply have looked it up before he started mouthing off on twitter or is he just as willfully ignorant as he is sexist? I argued in this piece that entertainers are society’s side shows, what Eldee did and the resulting fire he came under, is what happens when they start thinking they should be society’s voices of reason.

I wouldn’t even have bothered myself about this issue or even taken Eldee’s side if  Eldee himself didn’t then go ahead to mention Lupita Nyongo? Like seriously, Amber Rose is a “hoe” and Lupita Nyongo is a role model? E-sir is your logic related to Julius Agahowa? Because that is some serious somersaults it did right there. It is okay if you don’t like Amber Rose. Many of us don’t either. Just admit like the rest of us that you don’t like her and stop thinking you are a voice of reason because you suck at it.

Back to the quote I started this piece with, I like to think , that Jesus Christ, unlike Eldee, understood the fact that things are not always as they seem, and that we are humans and far from perfect. Mahatma Gandhi is a hero of India’s freedom but he also a sexual predator who destroyed the life of countless young women. Nelson Mandela was a hero of South Africa’s freedom, but during his active years he was the leader of a violent guerilla faction of the ANC and Martin Luther King Jr of the I have a dream fame  cheated on his wife. Thus even if Amber Rose is a “hoe,” she is using her fame as a hoe to do something positive and raise awareness on a social problem the way she knows how to do so. So why won’t mere grumpy bots who think  they are voices of reason just shut up and mind their own business. I guess it is really true what they say that “it is better to keep your mouth shut and have people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.” And to think such inanity can come from someone like Eldee, who hitherto had been doing a marvelous job of keeping his trap shut, is, frankly speaking, disappointing

Well before you ask me what right I have to write this, I know I am just a cynical, underpaid writer who at nearly thirty is yet to figure out what to do with his life.  However, I also know what I know, I know what I don’t know, and I certainly know when a grumpy bot  thinks he can use the fact that he is a celeb to use Eba to eat all of my soup right in my presence.

On Old Age, Omnipotence and Holding One’s own Counsel

On Sunday in my Church, a baby was dedicated. After the service a group of us members of the congregation of varying ages (but none older than 40) stood together bantering and munching the cake that mother of the dedicated baby had brought to mark the occasion. The subject that dominated our discussion was children and babies and we were having fun ribbing one another.  One of us, a man, said to another, a woman who with two small children: “God is seeing twins in your future” to which the woman replied “If I hear, This shop has closed, and there is no opening it again” Then somebody else replied “Haba! Why are you not claiming the blessings of God? Did God not tell Abraham to be fruitful and multiply?” To which the woman retorted “Abeg! When God made that declaration, Buhari had not yet plunged the Nigerian economy into recession.” That gave us a good laugh.

That reminded me of when my siblings and I were teenagers and my paternal grandmother (who died in 2013) used to visit us. We looked forward to these visits because grandma was a storyteller and could be counted on to bring new gist all the time. Her favourite stories to tell always start with the words “If you ever get a girl pregnant or a man gets you pregnant,  please no abortions, bring the baby, I can take care of it.” What would follow will be the story of the latest naming ceremony she attended, usually that of  a sixteen year old boy who got a fourteen year old girl  pregnant . Of course at the time we were still a bunch of teenagers. so we found the stories hilarious and ribbed ourselves mercilessly about them. 

 As I grew into my twenties and understood more about social issues, I started to wonder why my Grandma saw teenage pregnancy as something to be happy about instead of the social problem that it really is. At first I chalked it up to the fact that since she didn’t have much education, she didn’t fill her heads with the newfangled ideas about girl child education and all that. It was when I grew even older that I came to understand that her outlook was not a matter of education, it was a matter of values. My Grandma married my grandpa at eighteen and gave birth to her first son (my Dad) a year later. So being a teenage mother herself (albeit an older one) at a time where nobody batted an eyelid about it, teenage pregnancy apparently didn’t make the same impression on her that it does on my parents and on our own generation.

What brought about the story about my grandma was the recent sermon that the General Overseer of Christ Embassy Pastor Chris Oyakhilome gave on marriage and how women were supposed to behave in it. This in turn brought back the memory of the not so recent marriage seminar that the General Overseer of the Redeemed Christian Church of God Pastor E.A Adeboye gave on marriage and how women were supposed to behave in it. Perhaps it is the many books I have read that have turned me into a rebel, but I think that we, young people of nowadays, should be careful about taking marriage advice from 1.) A divorcee,  and (2.) A seventy year old man who didn’t have the exchange rate at 430 naira to 1 dollar when he was growing up, and the economy wasn’t in a recession when he got married. 

I am a Christian; I dare not disrespect the anointing of God upon the lives of his servants, and I agree with the bible that the wisdom of old people is in their grey hair. However let us look at it this way. At eighteen the age my grandma was labouring to bring my father to this world; my elder sister was busy labouring to pass her first year exams as a law student in Obafemi Awolowo University. If she managed to get pregnant at that time, to say that Dad would have murdered her would be exaggerating a bit, but he certainly wouldn’t have rolled out the red carpet to congratulate her, that is for sure. What changed? Everything. 

     I am not saying that we should all rise up and start denouncing the two aforementioned pastors as malicious liars and agents of the devil. I am also not saying  that you should not go to their respective churches anymore.  I am just trying to say that the fact that someone is old and has spent X number of years on earth/in the ministry does not guarantee that every single word that comes out of their mouth is good advice that you can always use. Like the example of my grandmother above, old/experienced people don’t intend to be malicious, it is just that the values they grew up to see as the norm have changed. That is why most African fathers become as meek as Jesus Christ when they are trying to learn how to use a smartphone. Again, another way of explaining this, though I never got to meet my paternal grandfather so I can’t confirm it. My Dad never mentions it either However some of my interactions with my grandma confirmed that my grandfather would not likely have given his full approval to my father marrying an educated woman like my mom (it was an age when most men thought it was a waste to send girls to school, and that the more educated a woman is the less likelier she is to respect her husband, so no blaming him). However if he was alive today, would he have approved what my mom has done with his son? I bet he would. 

     I believe old people are the custodians of culture and norms and values .I also believe that the reason why God sent individual tongues of fire to all the people in the Upper room in the book of Acts of the Apostles, was precisely so that the people wouldn’t do things simply because a grizzled man who has spent fifty years  pastoring/living life said so. 

It is the part of the reason why I tend to support the alternative opinions (feminism, LGBTQ issues etc). I just  get irritated when people who support the majority opinions  are questioned and they give the snarky “that is what our fathers used to do” or “it is our culture.” Teenage marriage was once a norm, so was Polygamy. People like both my grandfathers will tell you that Polygamy   is okay, but is it really practical to be Polygamous in this economy where the price of petrol just rises  without any warning, and a bag of Rice is now between fifteen and twenty two thousand naira? 

   Culture is never set in stone, at any rate we as a people are not as averse to setting aside culture for practicality anyway. So why do we hide under the guise of culture and old age/experience when it is time to answer the difficult questions?  

Again I am not saying that God didnt know what he was doing when he gave the command in exodus 20:12, I am just saying that I just don’t have to  take every word someone says as the gospel just because he is older than I am, or he is a pastor. At any rate what I read from the bible is that on judgment day God wont call the same old pastor I am expected to listen to account for my sins. So there is that.


On Cooking, Manhood, and this thing called Feminism


The thoughts that are contained within this here piece have been threatening to burst out ever since someone posted that video of the General Overseer of the Redeemed Christian Church of God, Pastor E.O. Adeboye where he talked about what makes people marriageable. However, I didn’t find an outlet to channel it through until someone started a conversation on twitter last week  by asking tweeps how long their sexual intercourse sessions lasted. The replies were interesting, with tweeps  reporting  sessions ranging from as short as five minutes to as long as one and a half hours.

The thread made me remember when I was in secondary school. That time my younger friends and I had older colleagues and classmates who used to tell us about their sexcapades. I remember clearly listen to one tell us that he once had sex with a girl for three straight hours. Of course like the naive kids that we were, we lapped up the  information. These days that we know more about this sex thing and the human anatomy (make of that what you will),  I have come to realize that a lot of the stories that struck us with awe might just have been embellished. This leads me to ask the question Why do men often feel the need to embellish their sex stories?

That again reminds of a story a friend told me about a lady he had sex with one time. Even though it has been five years since he told me that story it still makes me laugh when I remember it. They had gone two rounds and my friend said he had expelled all his energy and was left completely drained. The girl went “is that the best you can do? I am barely feeling anything” My friend said “well sorry about that, but I don’t have the energy to go any further than this.” He promptly stood up got dressed and left the room. My friend concluded that the  girl spread the news about him among her friends, but he didn’t even care about that one bit and that it was the last time he ever went near her. If only all men were that refreshingly honest.

The discussion today is not about sex per se, all the sex talk was just leading somewhere. What it is about is the tendency of us young men to whip out our dicks and measure them. This is not to be taken  literally of course, but in terms of us jumping out all guns blazing to confront real and imagined assaults on our masculinity.

When the issue of cooking versus not cooking came up on social media the other day, and some “feminists” tried to explain that it is wrong to define a woman by whether she cooks or not, a lot of men raised reasoned arguments against them, but most of the men who joined in the conversation just put out snarky lines like  “You will not find a man to marry you, if you can’t cook”, “some of these feminists slave for their husbands and boyfriends and they come here to form twitter standards,” and so on. It was in the midst of the testosterone-fuelled snarkiness that someone went and dug up that Daddy G.O video that supports the notion that women must learn to cook or else…

A few days ago again, another issue, that of just how much a man should earn before a woman should marry him, came up. It started with a self-styled men rights activist jumping on the tweets of a lady in Canada  who was just tweeting at random and getting his male followers to harass her about how she is not a wife material and nobody will marry her, and how she is in Canada on a student visa and she would soon be forced to return to Nigeria. All this harassment just because a woman made her choices known.

I am not arguing that you can’t have your standards as to who you want to marry or be friends with, but replying  “You will not find a man to marry you” and “it’s all for show anyway”  in reply to legitimate questions of women being allowed to make  their own choices as men do,  reeks of small-minded arrogance. As men, if we (I am also included) cannot reasonable ways of maintaining control beyond the “I will not marry you” narrative it means we have a serious problem. Okay, so you will not marry her? And then what? The size of her breasts will reduce? Or she will not make heaven? Or she will die?

I was reading the other day when I got a flash of insight on the issue of prostitution. The reason why prostitution and all variants of it  are scorned is not the fact that the people who engage in it are making money, it is because the women who engage in it are independent women who get to make choices about who they want to give their bodies to. We may couch our beliefs in the cloak of whatever belief systems we want, but the underlying truth is that if we snark ” I cannot marry you.” or “You will not find a man to marry you.” in their faces they will just laugh back in our faces “who cares” and continue fucking whoever they want and making their money. That makes us men (mostly) really angry.

Again I am not saying we should all support prostitution, or not have our standards. However, there is a limit to how much you can snark at and threaten people regardless of gender before they tell you to go fuck yourself. It is not just a man vs woman thing, it is the same issue with Christians and unbelievers.For so long we (men) have just assumed we are the more superior species and any attempts for the female gender for self-defense determination is met with needless testosterone-fuelled aggression.  An older married friend once told me “the world has changed.  Everybody regardless of gender has realized that  they can now make their own choices about their lives. The era of the man thinking he gets to make all the choices because he has the dick is over,so if you hope to marry, you better pray for a woman whose choices match yours or else even your dick will not save you from getting seriously fucked.”

If a lady says she wants to marry a man that earns a million naira a month or she won’t cook for her husband. It is not your business to harass or snark at her. It is ultimately her choice and you are going to look as silly as hell when she manages to achieve it. The principle still stands that “if you want something badly enough and you are willing to do everything to achieve it, the universe will get it for you.” does the Universe care whether you have a penis or a vagina? I think not. The truth is that we as men will get to point where like my friend we will have to admit “I don’t think I have the power for this, maybe we should just cut this pair of  trousers into shorts, so that we can both wear it, and quit arguing about who should wear the trousers.”

When I was younger, I was scared to ask out girls because I felt rejection would mean I am not man enough. Now that I am older and I have now realized that a woman saying she doesn’t like me is her choice and doesn’t reduce the size of my penis one bit ( yeah I check after each one, and run along now you perv, there is nothing to see here). It helps me sleep better at night and the doctor says it will extend my lifespan. Besides, when God sent me into the world, he didn’t send me to be anybody’s minder. So there’s that.

Thanks to @subomiplumptre for allowing me to use screenshots of her tweets, and for providing some inspiration for this piece


Remember  Temilade Agboola whose untitled poetry  featured on the blog a few weeks ago? she is back again with another poem. she shared this poem with me, so I challenged myself to write a short backstory to capture such an evocative piece of poetry. It took a while but I have something that I think captures what I intend to do. I hope you like both the poem and the story.

Burn- Lade Agboola (@milkylade)

It came,

From a spark;

It came

And I watched how my love for you turned to a flame

And the flame warmed the embers of my cold soul

As I loved you more and more

You consumed

My heart, my life

My world burned at your love

But that’s what love does


You burnt my world down

Razed it to the ground

And I’m left

To start over

With nothing but ashes of an old flame

And me playing the blame game

Burn- Bayo Adegbite (@beebayuu)

The tears are flowing freely as I pen these words, but only inside. My eyes are dry and clear as I wait for the big day. There is terribly little to do when you are on the death row. One of the wardens here has been very nice to me. Maybe it is because of the fact that I keep to myself most of the time and the fact that I am not violent. We do not talk much but she tries to help me while she can, at least as far as she can for a woman sentenced to die. When I asked her for a piece of paper and a pen, she readily provided. Maybe she thinks I am a writer or something. I don’t know if it isn’t against prison regulations to give death row inmates potential murder or suicide weapons, but she didn’t say and I didn’t ask either.

The words flow on the paper, but the tears still won’t come. I am sad because I am afraid of death, but I cannot cry because I do not regret killing you, you deserved to die. I deserve to die too. If we do meet on the other side, if the other side exists, I will listen to the explanation you were planning to give me before I stabbed you in the neck with the broken shard of the Hennessey you had been drinking. Maybe then I will tell you why you deserved to die.

I don’t know if I still do now, or maybe I am unwilling to admit it to myself, but I loved you. You were not my first love of course, but you were my first true one.  You made my spirit soar and fly among the stars. With you, I walked to the music of heaven all day. Every time I was in your arms, my heart silently gave thanks to whatever deity was up there for bringing us together. Our love was made in heaven.  If there was indeed another side you would remember the first night we made love, how we had both been drinking and something led to something else. That night, the experience felt like your soul had taken mine and flown to heaven and we were just a couple of angels, lying there lazy and naked in a bed of  clouds  and just giggling and  whispering sweet nothings to each other

It was the damn blood test that changed everything, you see. It wasn’t even intentional; it was just a random act of altruism. I had donated blood for one of these damn blood drives that they do.  I just wanted to be was a decent  human being, so I was extremely surprised when the doctor from the general hospital who was supervising the blood drive thing called me for a chat with and the first question she  asked me if I was sexually active. Of course, it felt preposterous, I wasn’t pregnant, I was sure of that. At any rate who determines pregnancy through a blood test? I was even more shocked when after much beating about the bush; the doctor finally came out and told me that I am HIV positive. In fact shocked was an understatement, it was the day I began to die. After going to two more hospitals and confirming that it was indeed HIV, I knew the end had come. I had any doubt that it was you. You gave me my life back, so it was fitting that you would give me death too.

I know the whole, people living with HIV/AIDS can still live a healthy and productive Bla Bla Bla… but you had betrayed me. That was the day I died.  So that day when I came to your house, it was not because of me, for I was already dead, it was to warn you. When I saw you ploughing her and working her body as you used to do for me, I didn’t feel betrayed by your cheating, dead people feel nothing. Your pleadings to “explain everything” fell on deaf ears because you were pleading with a dead woman. As the broken bottle went into your stomach and then into your neck, I kept telling myself that it was not for me and not for you, for you were already dead. I did it for that other girl, for the women of the world who were going to die like us, because of you. Don’t worry I have kept your secret. I have continued to maintain your image of a lover boy who was stabbed by his crazy, murderous girlfriend. Dead people tell no stories you see?

How is it possible to be dead yet to be afraid of death? I doubt if anybody can answer this, yet I am afraid to die. If the other side or reincarnation is as real as they say, maybe I can start again and not have to make a terrible choice like you. I have nobody else to blame though because I enjoyed it while it was good. At least I owe you that

The tears still won’t flow, but why should they? Dead people don’t cry, after all. The friendly warden is at the door of my cell now. I don’t know if she just wants to talk, or to collect the pen and paper back, or to announce that the big hour has come.


I loved this challenge and I would love to challenge myself to write prose backstories for poetry, so watch out for more backstory challenges from this space


On Vultures, Eagles and Living The Good Life 



The other day at a youth empowerment seminar I was in, a particular guest speaker was talking about the differences between working for a salary and being your own boss and “in charge of your own destiny.” The speaker compared the paid worker to a vulture and the entrepreneur to an eagle. The vulture is always at the mercy of other animals, it only gets to eat their sometimes rotten leavings. An eagle on the other hand gets to eat the choicest freshly killed prey. As he went on with reeling facts and figures about the likes of Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg to support his Eagles versus Vultures theory, it suddenly occurred to me that our motivational speaker might have good intentions with his analogy, but the aforementioned analogy is fundamentally flawed. Our speaker was too busy trying to psyche his eager listeners up, to put his explanation and his facts and figures into proper context. I will explain what I mean.

     These days thanks to globalization and the democratization of ICT, being an entrepreneur is no longer as hard as it used to be. Unfortunately this has created a generation of obnoxious entrepreneurs who think they are better than all those people who do nine to five jobs, because they “are in charge of their destinies”. Our motivational speaker is hardly unique, there are many like him on social media who go on ad nauseam about how they made so and so times the amount of money, they made working for a salary, as an entrepreneur. A flaw in the Eagle versus Vulture argument is this, supposing something happens and  every single living thing in that place is killed, the eagle will starve while the vulture will have plenty to eat. That is not even the main problem,  what happens if there are suddenly so many dead things in a place and there are no vultures or hyenas or natural processes to dispose of them?  Clap for yourself if you answered that it could cause a biological disaster which could kill all the fresh prey of the eagle. The takeaway from this is that, The eagle which views  the vulture with disdain for being a slave, does not realize that  it is that vulture that is literally keeping it  from starvation.

  That is why I always laugh out loud when “entrepreneurs” start laughing at 9 to 5 workers. For instance to register a business you have to be at the Corporate Affairs Commission, without a 9 to 5 worker, you won’t even be able to register your business, maybe you need a business account, it is a 9 to 5 cashier that will attend to you when you walk into the bank, otherwise you don’t have a business. Maybe the business needs to pay tax, it is a 9 to 5 worker who will file your tax returns for you, and otherwise you aren’t going to have a business for long. You need land for your business? You have to verify with 9 to 5 government officials before you can get any land to use.  I can go on and on, but I am sure  you get my point. The irony is that Nigeria is at the moment a place where stuff is collapsing and things are dying, Eagles won’t survive here, vultures however will have a swell time.

  One of the things that never fail to make me roll my eyes is when motivational speakers or anybody in particular starts a rant about how education is useless because a lot of educated people end up working for illiterate people. The question I always ask is that “if the said illiterate man thinks not having an education makes no difference. Why doesn’t he employ illiterate people like him to help him run his business then?” it is the same reason why I really want to slap people like our motivational speaker when they spout examples of people like Bill Gates and Mark Zukerberg who “dropped out of school” and have become billionaires. Yes Zuckerberg is a dropout and he is a billionaire, but let us remove all the techies and the lawyers and the people doing Facebook’s accounting (all of whom finished school and learnt something from the “useless” educational system) and see if Zuckerberg can run Facebook on his own. Ditto for Steve Jobs, or Bill Gates or any of the entrepreneurs you can think of.

 The real problem is this, everybody wants to do exploits like Jesus Christ, nobody wants to be like the unimportant John the Baptist, who had little to do except prepare the way for Jesus Christ. The thing however is that without the things that John did, Jesus would never have become who he wanted to become. It smacks of a culture of basing success on quantity and size instead of on quality, that the CEO in the big office is the one making a difference. “What does that cleaning lady or that janitor even do?”  (As if the CEO will be able to make any difference if the office was dirty or the doors were left open and thieves came in and stole office equipment).

The truth of the matter is this: making a difference is not about being able to brag on social media about how much money you are now making as an entrepreneur, so don’t let any “entrepreneur” or motivational speaker goad you into feeling like you are useless because you have a nine to five job. It is a lesson I learnt from using my parents as case studies. Both of them have been 9-5 workers all their lives, yet they have been able to build houses, buy cars and train five children through school. And throughout the time we were in school none of us were ever sent home for defaulting on school fees, neither did any of us ever go to school hungry, or with torn uniforms or books. There is nothing wrong with being a nine to five worker, there is nothing wrong with being in charge of your destiny either. Don’t, I repeat, don’t ever let anybody use high sounding words, grandiose but ultimately meaningless analogies and out of context facts and figures to convince you otherwise.   


Hello folks thanks for joining me on the blog today. My guest post today is poetry  from Temilade Agboola. Although  she is a relatively  new poet, who is  just finding her feet on the blogsphere,  Temilade’s body of work shows the markings of an excellent poet.  I enjoy her poetry because it is evocative, expressive, inspirational and brief. Here is the third poem in her series of Untitled Poems. I am sure you will enjoy it



And after you’ve given me a kick here

A slap there, twisting my hands, pulling my hair

Carry me to our satin sheets

With my tear stained cheeks

And tell me, “baby I love you”

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to

As the tears stream down my face

You begin to take your place

Between my thighs, trying to make it go away

And look me in my eyes as you feast on my body

I wonder, can you see the bruises?

The ones on my face and on my heart

Have I really vowed till death do us part?

With this ring you promised to fade my scars

But you’ve only cut the stitches open again


Temilade wants you to say something nice about her poetry on http://www.justteenagewasteland.wordpress.com you can follow her on twitter @milkylade 




The post today was first written as a status update on Facebook yesterday the 6th of July 2016. Because of the reception it got there, I have decided to share it here for you my non Facebook friends to benefit from it. I hope you like it.

Two reasons prompted this piece. The first was something a Muslim follower of tweeted in the aftermath of the Ramadan bombings in Medina, Saudi Arabia, when the sentiment again spread that Islam is a warmongering religion. “I hope one day Christians experience what Muslims go through with being pigeonholed as terrorists because of a few bad eggs among them.” The thought among the presumably non Muslim people(a thought which is not shared by this writer) is that if Muslims could be callous enough to bomb their most holy cities, where else was safe from their violence? I wanted to explain why it isn’t and should not be possible to pigeonhole Christians that way.

The second reason is that during a twitter conversation on faith and religion a twitter feminist and “atheist” once told me that she feels that God is sexist and chauvinist, using Paul’s message in 1Corinthians 14:34-35 as basis for her argument. To her if God is as fair and just as Christians claim he is, He  will not allow one of his most influential apostles to make such disparaging comments about women.  I could not immediately get a rebuttal to her argument so I resolved to study it for myself to see if she indeed had a point. However while I searched for that rebuttal I got an amazing insight into the nature of God, Jesus Christ, Christianity and the Bible.

   A lot of religions have some sort of Holy Book. A collection of teachings laid down by their different deities and teachings from the venerated figures within their faiths. These teachings make up the moral code for the devotees of the respective religions. Because of the nature of the books and the things contained in it, the book itself is ascribed some form of pure and holy status. In our own case as Christians, our holy book is the Bible, which we believe to be inspired by the God and has no fault whatsoever.

      However, there is a problem with the way a lot of us Christians perceive the bible, and tragically we keep passing these wrong perception from generation to generation. The perception is that the Bible is the holiest book of all and that it is God that practically guided the hands of the writers to write it. Therefore its ruling on every and any issue cannot and must not be challenged even if that ruling  seems confusing  within the modern day context. Unfortunately this often make Christians look like quarrelsome and fanatical bigots who can’t seem to argue logically about  issues and who respond to anyone who dares to point out any anomaly within the bible with sullen snobbery, or  belligerent insults. This may allow you win arguments, but you are not going to win an unbeliever  into the vineyard by insulting or snubbing them.

       My father often says something, whenever we his children or anyone else questions him about why sections of the Old and the New testament in the Bible seem so contradictory. He would say: “As Christians, the New testament is our constitution. The Old testament is like a book of by-laws. Whenever there is a conflict between the Old and the New testament, the New testament wins out, because it is the testament of our Lord Jesus Christ.” He would add, “God sent Jesus Christ to create the new testament because he saw that the old testament is no longer adequate for us, as his children.”

     The thing about the bible is that while it may have been inspired by God, it was written by men. It was not sent down from heaven, it was written on earth. it is just a paper book. If you put it in water it will become soggy. If you put it in fire, it will burn. If you put it it in a place infested with termites, the termites will happily eat it. The people that wrote its books are no angels either, David who wrote most of the psalms was an adulterer and a murderer, Jeremiah who wrote the book that bears his name was a timid young man who was afraid for his life. Paul was an apostate turned apostle. They were not angels and none of them ever gave the impression that they were .

         So am I then arguing that the bible should be disregarded? Far from it. If we look at Acts 10, God lets a huge sheet down in front of Peter, with all manner of unclean animals the Jews were commanded in the books of Moses not to eat, and tells Peter “rise kill and eat. Peter replies ” God, you know that I have never eaten anything unclean.” God replies him: “Whatever I the Lord has made clean, don’t you call unclean. ” That gave me pause. Was it not God that said those animals were unclean in the the first place? Why is he contradicting himself? However God didn’t say “This means I have now rendered  the law of Moses invalid.” He only gave Peter a new set of instructions based on the position Peter was in at the time. That passage in Acts reminds me of something one of my teachers in secondary school told me about science. According to him:”When an hypothesis has been tested, it becomes a theory. When a theory has been extensively tested it becomes a law. If a law is however, challenged and said law fails, it does not mean the law is now invalid, it only means there are certain points that the law does not cover.”
       This means if what Paul said in 1 Corinthians 14:34-35 does not fit into current day issues, it doesn’t mean Paul is a liar, or that he is confused  or that the Bible is contradicting itself.  What it means is that what Paul said isn’t just applicable to our reality. This is where the spirit of God comes in. Jesus Christ envisaged these issues when he was going into heaven, that was why he promised to send a spirit which would be, among other things, a teacher. This is why as Christians we must be careful of slavish obedience to the letters in the book instead of the spirit that gives those letters life.

     Our God is not an archaic God. He is dynamic. He understands changing realities and gives us understanding to match it. He understands the value of negotiation and he changes his mind based on issues. It is true that he gave us a book to live by, but he doesn’t want us to serve the book, and forget he who gave us the book.

   Would God for example support feminist activism, despite the general perception of the Bible being phallocentric? If you are talking about Feminism that has helped women get the right to vote and be voted for, the right of women to be free from repressive laws, equal opportunities in the work place and freedom of expression, I don’t think God is against it, I don’t care if the Bible doesn’t spell out every single case where a woman was properly treated. For those “I too know” Christians and Atheists alike who would want to shove the Bible under my nose because of my stance on certain issues, I have a message for you, I don’t serve the Bible, I serve God, the omniscient, immortal giver of the Bible.