The thoughts that are contained within this here piece have been threatening to burst out ever since someone posted that video of the General Overseer of the Redeemed Christian Church of God, Pastor E.O. Adeboye where he talked about what makes people marriageable. However, I didn’t find an outlet to channel it through until someone started a conversation on twitter last week by asking tweeps how long their sexual intercourse sessions lasted. The replies were interesting, with tweeps reporting sessions ranging from as short as five minutes to as long as one and a half hours.
The thread made me remember when I was in secondary school. That time my younger friends and I had older colleagues and classmates who used to tell us about their sexcapades. I remember clearly listen to one tell us that he once had sex with a girl for three straight hours. Of course like the naive kids that we were, we lapped up the information. These days that we know more about this sex thing and the human anatomy (make of that what you will), I have come to realize that a lot of the stories that struck us with awe might just have been embellished. This leads me to ask the question Why do men often feel the need to embellish their sex stories?
That again reminds of a story a friend told me about a lady he had sex with one time. Even though it has been five years since he told me that story it still makes me laugh when I remember it. They had gone two rounds and my friend said he had expelled all his energy and was left completely drained. The girl went “is that the best you can do? I am barely feeling anything” My friend said “well sorry about that, but I don’t have the energy to go any further than this.” He promptly stood up got dressed and left the room. My friend concluded that the girl spread the news about him among her friends, but he didn’t even care about that one bit and that it was the last time he ever went near her. If only all men were that refreshingly honest.
The discussion today is not about sex per se, all the sex talk was just leading somewhere. What it is about is the tendency of us young men to whip out our dicks and measure them. This is not to be taken literally of course, but in terms of us jumping out all guns blazing to confront real and imagined assaults on our masculinity.
When the issue of cooking versus not cooking came up on social media the other day, and some “feminists” kept going on about how it is wrong to define a woman by whether she cooks or not, a lot of men raised reasoned arguments against them, but most of the men who joined in the conversation just put out snarky lines like “You will not find a man to marry you, if you can’t cook”, “some of these feminists slave for their husbands and boyfriends and they come here to form twitter standards,” and so on. It was in the midst of the testosterone-fuelled snarkiness that someone went and dug up that Daddy G.O video that supports the notion that women must learn to cook or else…
A few days ago again, another issue, that of just how much a man should earn before a woman should marry him, came up. It started with a self-styled men rights activist jumping on the tweets of a lady in Canada who was just tweeting at random and getting his male followers to harass her about how she is not a wife material and nobody will marry her, and how she is in Canada on a student visa and she would soon be forced to return to Nigeria. All this harassment just because a woman made her choices known.
I am not arguing that you can’t have your standards as to who you want to marry or be friends with, but replying “You will not find a man to marry you” and “it’s all for show anyway” in reply to legitimate questions of women being allowed to make their own choices as men do, reeks of small-minded arrogance. As men, if we (I am also included) cannot reasonable ways of maintaining control beyond the “I will not marry you” narrative it means we have a serious problem. Okay, so you will not marry her? And then what? The size of her breasts will reduce? Or she will not make heaven? Or she will die?
I was reading the other day when I got a flash of insight on the issue of prostitution. The reason why prostitution and all variants of it are scorned is not the fact that the people who engage in it are making money, it is because the women who engage in it are independent women who get to make choices about who they want to give their bodies to. We may couch our beliefs in the cloak of whatever belief systems we want, but the underlying truth is that if we snark ” I cannot marry you.” or “You will not find a man to marry you.” in their faces they will just laugh back in our faces “who cares” and continue fucking whoever they want and making their money. That makes us men (mostly) really angry.
Again I am not saying we should all support prostitution, or not have our standards. However, there is a limit to how much you can snark at and threaten people regardless of gender before they tell you to go fuck yourself. It is not just a man vs woman thing, it is the same issue with Christians and unbelievers.For so long we (men) have just assumed we are the more superior species and any attempts for the female gender for some control is met with needless testosterone-fuelled aggression. An older married friend once told me “the world has changed. Everybody regardless of gender has realized that they can now make their own choices about their lives. The era of the man thinking he gets to make all the choices because he has the dick is over,so if you hope to marry, you better pray for a woman whose choices match yours or else even your dick will not save you from getting seriously fucked.”
If a lady says she wants to marry a man that earns a million naira a month or she won’t cook for her husband. It is not your business to harass or snark at her. It is ultimately her choice and you are going to look as silly as hell when she manages to achieve it. The principle still stands that “if you want something badly enough and you are willing to do everything to achieve it, the universe will it for you.” does the Universe care whether you have a penis or a vagina? I think not. The truth is that we as men will get to point where like my friend we will have to admit “I don’t think I have the power for this, maybe we should just cut this pair of trousers into shorts, so that we can both wear it, and quit arguing about who should wear the trousers.”
When I was younger, I was scared to ask out girls because I felt rejection would mean I am not man enough. Now that I am older and I have now realized that a woman saying she doesn’t like me is her choice and doesn’t reduce the size of my penis one bit ( yeah I check after each one, and run along now you perv, there is nothing to see here). It helps me sleep better at night and the doctor says it will extend my lifespan. Besides, when God sent me into the world, he didn’t send me to be anybody’s minder. So there’s that.
Thanks to @subomiplumptre for allowing me to use screenshots of her tweets, and for providing some inspiration for this piece